Judging a book by it's cover....

Do you do it?

I'm going out on a limb with this post, talking about a subject that doesn't jive with my normal frivolous ramblings about vintage sales and new/old furniture......chalk it up to my age, life experiences....peri-menopause, hell, I don't know.....but it's something that's on my mind and because I believe 99.9% of you are women, I thought I would throw it out there!

 Oh, and it's definitely something I have been guilty of it.....something I am not proud to admit.  So don't go thinking I am all up on my high horse!

What am I talking about, you ask?

Hold that thought.

First, I should share what got me thinking about this.  It was at Farm Chicks, on Friday night.  I looked at the group of women that I had assembled for a meet up at Chaps - we were a Diverse crew - ranging in age from 20-somethings to 50-somethings.  We were midwesterners, west coasters, south westerners, country gals and city slickers.  There were the disciplined skinny girls in our midst and those of us who enjoy a meal {with a cocktail} and are counting on our next workout to lose those 20 extra pounds.  We were blonds, brunettes and pretty silvery-grays.  Who knows what our political views are - probably just as diverse, thank God we didn't go there that night!  The ONE thing we had in common was that we were all there for the Farm Chicks show.  Creative women.  Women who have pure, loving and supportive hearts....for other women.....all collected at Chaps......a restaurant owned and run by one of the most special women I believe I have ever met.  Being in the presence of these awesome women - all so different was a moment of clarity and joy for me - Cause there was a time in my life where I too often 'judged a book by it's cover'.

I made assumptions about other women based on rather superficial things - how they looked, how old they were, where they lived, what they drove, where they shopped, what they did for a living, what brands they were  wearing/or not wearing, their general lifestyle, political beliefs......yuck!  I spent way too much time trying to "fit in" or working hard to maintain a friendship that was truly one sided with far too many.  Thankfully, age brings maturity and a comfort with who you are.

I am grateful that one of the benefits {in the midst of many negatives} of getting older is to appreciate and celebrate differences - I now truly seek out inspiring women, whether they are just like me, or not. 

And what I have discovered while contemplating this post is that I collect friends like I collect decorative objects for my home.  Some of my friends are vintage, some are contemporary, I embrace imperfections, some friends are practical and reliable, some are unexpected with a touch of whimsy, some are colorful, some are safe, many are beautiful both inside and out.  And most importantly, like home accessories, more friends are NOT necessarily better.  My older self prefers quality over quantity.  I aware and thankful for how my 'collection' blesses my life.......I believe it is one of the benefits of moving around alot and having to create relationships - often!

Am I perfect? No!  Do I still find myself wondering why I didn't 'click' with someone I meet? Yes!

But as a mother raising a tween and teen, I optimistically hope that by watching me and how I relate to my women friends, that I will show my girls that you can't "judge a book by it's cover".

13 comments on "Judging a book by it's cover...."
  1. Thank you for being so honest. Thank god that with age comes wisdom.

  2. a lovely post comparing to the lovely things we collect and keep and share! xo


  3. what a great post! i had a reality check just a couple months ago. i saw a woman whose child was on my son's soccer team... she was BEAUTIFUL, blonde, and perfect and i thought there is no way we will ever be friends because i am not up to her standards and she probably has more money than me, etc....
    well one night we started chatting and i am SO glad we did and i felt horrible for misjudging. she is one of the warmest, nicest people i have met. had i not given it a second thought, i might not have this awesome friend in my life. i thought i had learned that lesson, but clearly i needed a reminder.

  4. Awesome post Jill! All very true!

    Love this quote - "Be the type of person you want to meet"


  5. What a great message for your kids to learn. When I attended my first class reunion I remember being so disappointed that I didn't take the time to get to know some of the "nerds"-they were the ones who turned out to have the most interesting lives.

  6. what an absolutely wonderful post, honest, from the heart.
    Perfect, you are a good mama,

  7. shoot! i was too exhausted to get to Chaps that night...and i was in trouble with Funky Junk Jennifer the next am for not showing! love em all too. just wait till your my age... ;) freedom to embrace it all.

    way to go <3
    we're a colorful bunch ;)

  8. I agree that aging provides clarity on how we as individuals regard those around us. I find that the people I connect with now, new acquaintances, have stretched me in ways that perhaps I wasn't ready for "back in the day". I continue to maintain many of my good friends from the past but I have expanded my periphery vision to draw in some of those I would have avoided in the past. Sometimes I avoided them out of fear of them not accepting me for many of the reasons you mention but I have adopted a new "so what" attitude. I am much more bold than I was in my younger days. I love that feeling of confidence that I have now and did not have then. I wish I had even an ounce of that confidence when I was in high school as it would have made that a much more pleasant experience. But, I am so thankful that I learned that lesson as I grew older. With that attitude you become richer in knowing who you are, what you value, and how to reach out to all the different people you encounter in your everyday life.
    I am sure your children will learn, since you are their model . Good on you for writing this post. I do love it when bloggers take time to get real. I rarely comment on your blog but I love checking in.

  9. you're a good woman jill!
    & a great mama!!
    i loved this post.
    i'm so guilty of that. i was guilty of that about 2 hours ago in the grocery store. i thought to myself why is it easy for me to love some people and yet typecast/prejudge others? i hate it when i do that.
    great encouraging post!!

  10. Love this post!! Quality vs Quantity ...yes, always! :)

  11. I love this post! I have always had an eclectic group of friends and love the diversity. Thank you for posting :)

  12. YES, variety is the
    spice of life, even
    in friendships : )

    You are a wonderful
    mama and role model
    for your girls, Jill!

    xo Suzanne


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