Waiting to exhale....otherwise known as "the longest post I have ever written".

Where to begin?

I have to be honest with you.....

I have been keeping a secret....

No, not THAT kind of secret.. like, .....that Cottage Living magazine is making a comeback and has named me editor....no, not that, silly! But if any publisher is considering, I would love to join forces (for good, of course) with the infamous Heather Chadduck, former Cottage Living style editor to bring that favorite back!

Now, where was I?

The crazy economy of the last couple years has really affected lots of people, in so many ways....are you feelin' it?

Well, last October, my family got to feel it in a BIG way.

You see, my hubby's entire career has been spent in the healthcare industry, and as we all know that industry has been deeply affected by the economy and recently passed 'legislation' ..... Long story short, my husband was told last October that his job in Minnesota was being eliminated (along with many of his colleagues throughout the country). His 'news' however came with a silver lining....his company was looking for a place for him and would keep him posted....

The news was sobering....and scary....for me but mostly for my husband who had been a successful and dedicated employee and had enjoyed being steadily promoted during his career.

I don't know about you, but my manly man partner has a bit of an ego and boy had it been bruised, big time!

Luckily, we learned in early December that they were placing hubby in a rotational (temporary) position that basically required regular travel to the west coast. Ahhhhh.....we breathed a sigh of relief and felt a bit of calm for the moment.... I got my mind around the fact that I was going to be a single parent, certainly not ideal, but ok because it meant that at least 'we' had a job - albeit, if only temporary. At least we had some time to figure things out and had hoped that in the meantime the company would place him in a permanent postion.

Days turned to weeks and weeks to months.....I have felt so many emotions within me, anger, hope, disappointment, shame, bitterness, fear, panic, resentment, hopelessness, optimism, regret......I could go on.

I coped with the emotions by disconnecting, from friends and from my home, so NOT me - but I felt change was coming whether I wanted it or not and why get closer to people and things if it only meant saying goodbye. Disconnection became my safe place where there was no need to explain 'our situation' to friends and neighbors. My long list of house projects was definitely put on hold, no need to stress hubby out by spending money and frankly, my enthusiasm just was not there to improve a home we may have to leave.

OUR LIFE LITERALLY WENT INTO A PERPETUAL HOLDING PATTERN.

But guess what?

After eleven months enduring the roller coaster of one day feeling hope only to be followed the next by feeling disappointment, WE GOT GOOD NEWS on Friday!


My husband has a permanent position (if there is such a thing?) with his company here in Minnesota. (insert l-o-n-g exhale).

I have learned so much about myself during these stressful months and I can honestly say that I am a better person, wife and mother for having been forced to take this journey. Now don't get me wrong, I hope we never have to go through something like this again. But I know now that it really is the simple things in life that matter the most, that our situation, no matter how hard, does not compare to those who are dealing with the loss of a child, or spouse, divorce, or illness. These last eleven months have put lots of things into proper perspective and made me oh so grateful for things that I had perhaps overlooked or taken for granted.

And while I have shared so much on this blog, I have been uncomfortable with sharing such personal struggles. But I know I can't be alone. Whatever it is that you may be struggling with I hope you find your peace.