2017 - the year I maybe never wanted to arrive.....


It's really here......

Ugh? Yea? Welcome? Go Away? Acceptance? Denial?......

Of course I knew you were coming 2017.  But dang, did you have to arrive so fast?  Time, it has a funny way of speeding up, it seems with each year....But long ago, maybe it was when my Emma (now 18 years old) started kindergarten, that it was mentioned that they would graduate from high school in the year 2017.  It seemed like such a long time away plus, I was consumed by all things elementary school - spelling words, math facts, recess drama......so that date was tucked away somewhere in my foggy mommy brain....until w-h-o-o-s-h....in a blink of eye that sweet class of 2017 kindergartener was graduating from 8th grade and headed to high school.  And well, let's just say, there are only four SHORT years of high school and it's a blur.....and depending on your kid.....could be a blur of many things...For us, and Emma, it was lots of soccer, homework, dances, Christian service retreats, growing up stuff like becoming a licensed driver, getting a job, a debit card, going through some hurts, disappointments and other 'fun' grown-up stuff.  So here we are....graduation is June 4, 2017.  We have nearly arrived at that long ago anticipated date.  I'll be honest, I am a mixture of emotions.  First, I am immensely proud of my daughter who has been a dream of a teen to raise - a great student, strong moral character, hysterically funny, a dedicated athlete.  I know she is ready to go.....I am not so sure I am ready to let her...... I would be 'guilty as charged' if asked to admit if I pitied other women who felt their identities were lost when their kids left the nest.  But dang if I am not feeling a bit of that right now.  Yes, I have another daughter still at home, but THIS first event is the BIG ONE.  It's the one that will change our 'normal', redefine the energy in our home (Emma brings ALOT of energy to everything) and signify the beginning of the end of our everyday parenting days.

And if having a graduating senior isn't enough, I turn the BIG 5-0 in April......THERE, I said it!  Seriously, I have never been bothered by aging, but this birthday has got me all kinds of crazy with angst and dread.  I am doing my best to embrace the age and celebrate it (because I certainly don't like the alternative).  I am perfectly content with where I am in my life - my business is flourishing, my husband and I celebrated 25 years of marriage this last year, we live exactly where I would want to, my girls are thriving.....so it's not about feeling like I am missing anything. Sure, of course I would l love to be 15 pounds lighter and more fit - but that is something I CAN (and will) do.  But like any birthday number that ends in a ZERO, this one brings lots of pondering on 'things' - both big things and little things.......I don't quite know if the fog in my brain is due to not quite being able to grasp the concept that I am turning 50 or just being almost 50 - ha!

My chosen profession forces me to live in the world of 'trends' - both in design and on social media.  Some of these trends I embrace - like mud cloth, statement lighting, mid-century modern.....others I don't, like Instagram stories (never!).  I hesitate to admit, but I can feel my age in this world - often dominated by younger women and wonder if my success or lack of it is affected by my 'older' self - COMPARISON - ah, the thief of joy!  But, I hope that immersing myself in the design and social media worlds will keep my mind challenged and my heart open.  I hope to live a life that makes my daughter's proud (and NOT just for the number of Instagram followers I have).

So why and I sharing?  I don't really know - I guess to give a voice to us momma's, who are launching our precious babies, who are BLESSED to be running the second half of the marathon of life.....figuring out who we are, what it all means and how to do it well, with grace and confidence, who wish to run that second half dressed fashionable but age appropriate too, to see the world with fresh eyes, be open to new adventures and dang it, find that miracle-working eye cream!

Our world is a funny place right now - and perhaps even saying that makes me an old lady - ha!  But I know I am better when I surround myself with friends who are different than me, women of different ages and backgrounds, really good women ...... I hope this post can be an internet olive branch to whoever YOU are reading this right now - I see you, I feel you and I know, no matter where you are you might be feeling a little like me right now.

My launching girl will play soccer in college so February 1st was 'signing day' for her - a big day for all of us.....a step closer to the inevitable.....to her dreams.....to our dreams for her......

4 comments on "2017 - the year I maybe never wanted to arrive....."
  1. I am 12 years ahead of you and can tell you that the best years are ahead! My daughter played D1 soccer 1500 miles away at a major university. I went into mourning when she left! I couldn't imagine her not being home. But watching her live her dream became so exciting and the friends she made and the experiences she had were unbelieveable. Those college years go even faster than high school! My daughter eventually moved back home and married and now has blessed us with a granddaughter who I hope lives out her dream some day! Strong women raise strong girls!

  2. Beautifully written! I have been where you are..not only will you survive, but you will THRIVE because of your beautiful heart. (And you look no where near 50!) Best wishes to your daughter as she embarks on the next phase in her journey of life. It does all go by in the blink of an eye.

  3. Right with you from the other side of the ocean. I'm turning 49 at the end of the year, very aware that the next one is the big 50!?! And my baby boy (he's 6'2") will be off to college in September, thankfully only daily so will be home each night, but the next step is looming. Where did the time go x

  4. Jill, I found your blog today via Emily A. Clark's blog. You do a lovely job of decorating and make a home look warm, comfortable and inviting.

    I noticed that your daughter will be attending SLU in the fall. I live in a St. Louis suburb and should your daughter ever need anything while here, don't hesitate to contact me. She's going to a great school and I hope she likes St. Louis as much as we do.



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